my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
