It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
