I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
