we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
