your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
