just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
