we have pet lesbian snakes
Its about making memories worth repressing
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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