I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
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