if you like me you must not know who I am
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
