bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
