There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
