if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
