It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
