If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
