I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
