my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Found your dick twin last night
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
