at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
