I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
