I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
