Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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