She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
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