I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
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