Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Randomize
