I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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