Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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