Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize
