I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
