They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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