Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
