This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
