then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize