i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize