I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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