Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
