P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
