Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
