Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
