ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
