she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
