3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
