I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
