Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
