i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
