halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
