Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize