I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
