What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
