was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
