chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
