I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I looked at my own cervix.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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