i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Randomize
