I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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