Having a random hookup so left but love u
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
