I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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