don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
