Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
