I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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