You made me cry and you don't even care
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
