Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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