i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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