I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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