so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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