Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Randomize
